To the Guys It Didn’t Work Out With

Recently I’ve been writing letters to the man in my (distant) future, but this one goes out to the guys of my past.

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You’ll probably never read this. And even if you did, you might not even know it’s about you. You might not even know that I liked you… or that you’re “one of the guys it didn’t work out with”. Maybe you do know. Maybe you hurt me, or maybe I hurt you.

It’s okay though, I’m not here to dredge up the past, point fingers, or lay any blame.

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That’s right. I want to thank you, the guys that were wrong for me.

It wasn’t you. It wasn’t me. It just wasn’t meant to be.

And for that, I’m thankful.

 

So thank you, for not being the right guy for me. I might have thought you were right at the time, but it took stepping away to see clearly, and now I see it clearly wasn’t right.

 

Thank you for when you said and did the right thing… or didn’t. There were so many times that my own built-up expectations led to my own disappointment, even when you didn’t do anything wrong.

It’s a lesson I’m still working to accept. People aren’t perfect, and they will disappoint you.

 

Thank you for the times you were there for me. Some of you were great friends and showed me that guys aren’t all bad.

Because of you, I look forward to future relationships.

 

Thank you for the times you weren’t there for me. Because when you weren’t, I learned how to be okay on my own, and I became a girl that doesn’t need a guy.

 

Thanks for being “the guy” in a chapter of my life. You’re a part of my story. Thanks for being the guy I wanted around, for challenging me, and for balancing me out.

 

It’s difficult to say this, but thank you for the time it took to get over you.

It wasn’t easy.

It may have taken a few tears, some good friends, and a lot of Taylor Swift songs, but I learned to move on, and I’m stronger now. (I also learned that Taylor’s got a song for everything.)

 

Taylor Swift isn’t the only one that gets it, Fall Out Boy does, too. Best put by their song, “thanks for the memories, even if they weren’t so great.”

I’m not thankful for the times my heart ached because of you, but I forgive you. Whether or not you’re sorry, or even know what you did.

If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Thanks for teaching me some of my hardest lessons.

Things won’t always go my way.

I won’t always be liked.

Relationships are hard work.

My worth will never change because of my relationship status.

I don’t need a boy to make me feel beautiful.

 

Thanks for when you helped me feel beautiful and when you cared for me well.

I hope I helped you be a better man.

 

A younger-me might’ve never said this, but thank you for being a guy it didn’t work out with.

Because of you, I gained the perspective that there is someone out there meant for me.

And no offense, he’s not you.

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You don’t need to know the real impact you had on me.

Or how much I used to think about you. Or how much I hurt because of you.

Or that certain songs still remind me of you.

You never will know.

 

Again, I’m not here to re-hash the past. I’m here to say I’m past the past.

I’m over it.

I’ve grown a lot from it.

I’m the girl I am today because of it.

I’m not mad because of it, (at least not anymore…) And I don’t regret anything.

 

There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and I’m glad it’s not my time for you anymore.

 

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22 Comments

  1. Mihaela Echols
    April 3, 2017

    I love this! The goodbye letter is so creative and fun.

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 3, 2017

      Thank you! I’m glad you liked it

      Reply
  2. anchoredinamazinggrace
    April 3, 2017

    Reblogged this on Anchored In Amazing Grace and commented:
    Kristen said it SO well, I agree!

    Reply
  3. anchoredinamazinggrace
    April 3, 2017

    Amen! This is so relatable and true, I love the format!

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 3, 2017

      Thanks so much!! I think I edited this post more than any other, but I really wanted to make it relatable and look right. Thanks for reading and reblogging!! <3

      Reply
  4. kkedzia
    April 3, 2017

    I love this so much and can relate, especially to, “thank you for the time it took to get over you.” I am such a different person, a better person and I know God used it all. Thank you for putting it so well into words 🙂

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 3, 2017

      I’m so glad you can relate!! No problem, I’m happy you understand! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Alice
    April 4, 2017

    Thanks for sharing this post, so many Christians seem to advertise that we will marry the fist person we fall in love with, but this isn’t true for the majority of us. Our stories are just as amazing as those xxxxx

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 4, 2017

      I totally agree, that’s a great point!!! Each story is unique & a great one all on its own. Thanks for reading!! 🙂

      Reply
  6. AnnabelleKiefer
    April 4, 2017

    Oh my gosh. I have been struggling with a past relationship and getting over it and finally I feel like some gets what I was feeling. THANK YOU, dear sweet girl, for articulating words that I needed to read and say but just couldn’t figure out myself. Thank you for loving for Jesus and being the bigger person. You are a jem. ❤

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 4, 2017

      You are so welcome!!! It’s taken me so long to get to the point where I could collect my thoughts about so many different things that have happened, but it makes me so happy to hear that you get it too! Whatever you’re going through will work out, and you’ll be better from it I promise! (Otherwise God wouldn’t have brought you through it.) Feel free to share the post too, and don’t forget that you’re AWESOME <3

      Reply
  7. inkblotsofhope- Sarah
    April 5, 2017

    What a wonderful attitude to have– yes, you SHOULD be thankful for relationships that floundered into a break-up. I’ve been married for several years now and thank God that numerous relationships in my past didn’t work out. As contradictory as it sounds, God sometimes blesses us with heartbreak.

    Reply
  8. inkblotsofhope
    April 5, 2017

    What a wonderful attitude to have– yes, you SHOULD be thankful for relationships that floundered into a break-up. I’ve been married for several years now and thank God that numerous relationships in my past didn’t work out. As contradictory as it sounds, God sometimes blesses us with heartbreak.

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 5, 2017

      I think that’s a beautiful attitude!! And I’m so glad it all worked out for you 🙂 I know there’s a plan for me so I’m grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned and any hurt that made me who I am. Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  9. Sabrina
    April 7, 2017

    Like someone previously said, I loved the format. Was really enjoyable to read that way. And I enjoyed your perspective! Great read.

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 7, 2017

      I’m so glad you liked the format as well!! I worked really hard on it 🙂 thanks for the feedback!!

      Reply
  10. Megan (@aprnstrngsandsf)
    April 17, 2017

    Yes! This is so perfect. I’ve experienced a recent heartbreak with a guy who it didn’t work out with…but now that a little time has passed and I’ve got some perspective, I can see that it really was for the best.
    I was made for more and I’m excited to see who God has for me.

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      April 17, 2017

      Perspective is everything!! I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but I’m so glad that you can see why it didn’t! You’re so right, Megan, you were made for SO much more, and someday you’ll find the guy that knows that and will lucky to have you 🙂

      Reply
  11. Brett Larabie
    May 2, 2017

    This was beautifully written my dear! It isn’t often that I find a fellow blogger that actually writes similar content to myself, so when I do I go nuts for it! I started following your Facebook page – Can’t wait for more content!

    ~ Brett @ Wineandmisadventures.com

    Reply
    1. kristenshane
      May 2, 2017

      Thank you love!!! I just checked out your site… you’re amazing!!! AND you have your own store? So cool. Can’t wait to see more from you!

      Reply
      1. Brett Larabie
        May 2, 2017

        YOU’RE SO NICE!

        Reply
  12. kristenshane
    May 2, 2017

    so are you!! Just followed your instagram as well 🙂

    Reply

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